Thank You, Next

Dear Shining Stars, 

For starters, I believe I owe my readers an apology. I apologize for not writing as much as I promised last year. I apologize for not sharing the incredible memories I made. I apologize for not setting my goal when I told myself, I would. Surprisingly, Last year taught me a lot of lessons but also kept me on my feet. I learned to focus on the positive values more than the negative values. I learned how to organize and plan my days wisely. I learned how to be a leader, which was my goal for the year. There is good news and bad news to my story, however, I want the readers to focus on what experiences I was given and how they have helped me today and for the new year. This story is for anybody who has hit a really bad bump in the road and needs to go back a couple of spaces and figure out what they want to do next and how to do it. 

(Jasmin Saravita, Gracie Armogida, Amelia Bickford) 

In Summer 2017, I traveled to Costa Rica with my family and friends. I realized one week in a different part of the world teaches you the values in life. I was with people who were special to me and was cherishing every moment. We were seeing sloths, monkeys, toucans, and butterflies in our backyard. We were enjoying delicious food from our private chef. I learned a saying when I was there, "Pura Vida". Pura Vida means pure life or simple life. The life of Costa Rica was pure and simple. You can imagine what it was like to wake up in the morning to the sounds of the rainforest and the ocean. There were all types of greenery surrounding our house. The people we met were kind and courteous with our company. The best part of this trip was that we were all together from all different places for one whole week and still managed to see the value of life. We came back to Maryland realizing how much value we have in life. This trip was a wonderful vacation but also a lesson was learned. Good Friends and Family should never be taken for granted. They will have your back no matter what. 

In late August, I traveled back to Massachusetts where I started my sophomore year of college. I was starting off my second year in college a little bit different than other students. I was going to be a Resident Assistant! I got to work with the best team and had an amazing advisor. I loved meeting all the returning RAs and making friends with them. I received some good advice about residents and how to help build your community for them. My residents were all I could hope for when it came to programming building.  I was loving the RA life. Surprising; I even liked my building and dorm room! I was also busy on the side as an executive board member for our Campus Board Activities and a member of the drama club. I was a busy gal! I still had to make time for classes, eating, sleeping, and going out with friends into the city. I'm happy to say that I was able to manage these all for half of the semester. I felt pretty good about my schedule and was doing well with my classes. I was loving my sophomore year and was loving college. Unfortunately, "if you want the rainbow, you have to deal with the rain".

This post is not to point fingers or make anybody feel uncomfortable. It took a lot for me to write about this because I keep getting asked the same question. "What Happened?". After having time and being around support. I finally want to come clean about why I'm not in college right now. What Happened is that I was seeing a change in my behavior. I was not thinking straight about my actions. What happened was that I was trying to hide the fact by saying to myself "everything is okay", even though in reality it wasn't. I made mistakes and mistakes are easy to make, just as long as you know what to fix. The problem was that I kept making mistakes, I kept lying to myself, I kept trying to brush off the fact that my actions were the wrong beings. What happened was that my mental health was crying for help. I'm very lucky though. I was not alone. I had friends by my side. I had adults asking me "What could they do to help?". I had people I could talk too. Eventually, everything that I earned and respected was gone. I had to handle situations that I never thought I would encounter. I had to write a letter that was painful for me to write. I had to make some difficult decisions. Eventually, I came to a decision that I would be leaving college for the next semester. Everything happened so fast that I didn't get to say goodbye to my dear friends, professors, residents, other RAs, and Boston. I was leaving so I could focus on my mental health but also take a few steps back from everything. I don't regret leaving college but I do regret all of my actions and behaviors that I made which hurt people. I hurt people that I cared about and I hurt myself for even thinking I could do such a thing. 

📷

I don't want to focus on the drama that happened. That's not important. That important thing is that all I could say is "I wish everyone the best this semester. I will miss everyone who was by my side and showed their support for everything. I look up to you. I will miss waking up in my dorm room and hear my residents leave for class. I will miss hanging out with my friends in their dorms and in the dining hall. I will miss singing on the stage with the best ensemble a girl could ask for. I will miss having classes. I will miss not having to worry about night duty on Thursday nights. I will miss seeing the people that are most special to me on an everyday basis. I will miss all of that". Now, wipe your tears because I do have good news. I was able to revisit my college one last time before I traveled back home. I walked around with my best friend, hand in hand, and took it all in. I was able to say Hellos. I was able to say goodbyes. I did not cry or scream when I left the campus. I instead said "Thank you" to the campus, "I will revisit soon and I'm sorry". 

Everything happens for a reason but don't give up because there will always be something along the way that will make you realize what happiness is again or someone. Don't take anything granted in life. Value what's in front of you and cherish everything. 

Keep Shining Bright! - Amelia